Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Win!

My aunt called me today to tell me she heard that gay marriage was the "single biggest threat to our society."

No, she wasn't calling to be malicious or to encourage me to repent. She told me because she knew I'd think it was funny. Also, she wanted to express her jealousy. In her words: "You win. I'll never be the single greatest threat to anything."

She didn't divulge her source, so I did a little internet research to see if I could find the mastermind behind such a statement. I turned up nothing. Lots of people think that gay/same-sex marriages are the single greatest threat to marriage or "the American family as we know it", but I didn't find the "threat to society" quote. Too bad.

However, just because Google couldn't find the statement, doesn't mean it didn't happen. So, in honor of my new achievement, I've compiled a brief list of some other "single biggest threats" to society/America/civilization, etc. Here they are, in no particular order:

And my personal favorite:

But if you think about it, we didn't find any WMDs, coal is just baby diamonds waiting to be born, everyone knows climate change is a myth, and without polling, we'd never know what opinion we should have. The only "real" threat in this list (other than gay marriage, of course) is ManBearPig.

Now, that thing's scary.


  1. I am jealous! I want to be the single greatest threat to something! You are sooooo lucky!!!